Weak
I'm starting to think that I'm just as weak as a newborn. Defenseless and fragile. I seem to want to let Dramatic know that that's not the the case but it seems to be. I mean today alone I tried to dare him and ignore him but I know that me doing that only hurts me. I know he cares about me but I also know that he can ignore me. It hurts but its true, and right now I just need someone to hold on to. I need somebody who's going to sit on the phone with me even if we aren't talking and just let me know everything is going to be alright. I feel like I need a guardian angel, someone who's going to guide, someone who's going to hold me when I want to cry, someone who knows me better than anyone. The thought of losing anyone in my life right now is painful, I'm on the verge of losing a brother and even Tazhy trying to make me laugh isn't enough I can't even see her. I feel lonely and to answer ur question u posted Dramatic no I'm not up to the challenge. I know if push comes to shove I can at least get a hug but I need more and Dramatic can't be the person to give it to me. I guess its time to stop dreading the thought of getting hurt and get back on the riding horse. Find someone whose willing to be there as much as possible and just put my trust in them. Its not gonna be easy but I need someone who can just be my shoulder to lean on, that person I can trust, that person I can hold on to , that person who can understand my insecurities, someone who won't violate my friendship, someone who won't crush my pride and my heart like Raymond did. The funny thing is if I let my guard down enough I'll let someone whose just like Raymond in and get run over again. I can't take it a second time around but what choice do I have besides giving in to my situation and let someone in to give me some comfort. Is it so wrong to want that? Is it so wrong to just have someone there who your important to and who'll bear with you through all your burdens. I guess what I'm looking for is another Dramatic in all actuality, because I couldn't bring myself to put my little problems on him he has more important things to be thinking about. Dramatic please don't take this as an insult or whatever cause as much as I would like to include you I'll fell like I'm weighing down.
posted by Minnie @ 7:59 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Regardless, I'm here for you. I have my problems, but I am your friend. I will be there for you, not matter what. I understand how you feel. We have become so much to each other. I barely think of you as a friend anymore, you are an extension of myself. I will always be here for you when you need that shoulder to cry on.
As for your brother, I know this means little now, he has to understand that he did wrong. Everyone has to pay for their mistakes. I am hurting with you, I told you he was a good friend when he was being that. He has issues. Maybe his time away will give him a chance to correct them.
You are strong. Strength doesn't mean you don't cry or that you don't hurt. You may not see it, but you go through all your shit and handle it like a pro. You are even strong for and protect your friends and family who can't do it for themselves, like me.
I can afford to ignore you. I know you love me as much as I love you and that being apart from me is just as hard for you as it is for me. It just seems like it's easier for me because I don't call you ever. That's just because your mother is stupid.
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